In memory of a two year journey - Part 1

Friday, last day of school.

CAP: 4.44, what a nice number...

I really do not know how to start this; it has been two years since I came this school already. Many things have happened and there had been many changes in my place in my class and school. I'll just try to remember as much as possible.

When I first came to this school, I expected quite highly of it. Not just academically, but high social standards. The first few days were orientation, and nothing much happened. I saw a short girl and kept on thinking she was angela, until later. I kept on mixing up ryan's name as 'bryan' too. Maybe it was because I did not talk too much, I did not have many friends then.

Of course, we learnt the mass dance too. I thought the song was quite nice, but my dancing wasn't very good so I kept on mixing up the moves.

I remember it was a saturday, when the amazing race was held. This is probably the most memorable day of the orientation, and I could retrieve scenes from my mind clearly. I remembered this was the day when I started talking more to cmc, and I made friends with him. I also remembered it was this day, when he started his theory about ryan dropping a one cent coin into a manhole and digging it, forming the grand canyon. Throughout, I talked to him quite a lot. When I asked him what primary school he was from, he insisted that he was from a non-existent primary school which then made me quite irritated.

Orientation passed quickly. In class, I sat next to him. After a few days, it was when I started to get a little pissed. He talks too much and lack a sense of knowing when to stop.
There was once when I requested for a seat change because I could not concentrate in class...

He used to find humour in things that I know why he thinks are funny, through my experience with my younger brothers, but I don't find them funny, but irritating. Once, when a teacher talked to him about it, he blamed me for 'complaining' about him.

Him, being not very well-liked, and with me being his friend, I was not very well-liked by many either. I felt quite, not to say lonely, I found many means to keep myself to not have that feeling, but rather, out.

Cmc, jk, ben and I used to do things in a group almost everytime, and that made it almost slightly worse, as I feel, because it takes away many chances for me to try to socialize more with other people alone. Just like my shadow in a moonlight, this undescribable thing keeps on casting a darkness which breaks the light of whereever I go.

Although this did not really bother me, what bothered me more was the bad impression others had on me. I have currently no means to defame anyone, so I keep these names anonymous. I once asked a person A if he could teach me how to do a question which I did not know how to do. A was willing to answer me, but B, being beside him and being A's good friend helped him answer a no. However, my impression of B was quite good, and yet at times I know he supports me, at other times he is against. This is what is scary, not a cunning enemy, but a person who has an unknown identity, whether you should be with him, or whether you should be aware of him always.

Over time, his impression of me had a turn for improvement, but his attitude remains the same to all that he does not like. I never thought that his judgement was wrong, but his attitude was, to those he does not like. I think that whether we change our judgement towards certain people is not at all important, what matters is our attitude towards those people.

Another setback for me, or more like, a group of people, was this double-headed snake, who changed sides often, whichever side favoured him. All I could say about him was that he equalises friendship with popularity...

This first year had been quite a tough one, not academically, but socially. Maybe because it was shyness within us, but not many of us talked to girls then, which limited my range of friends, or even people I could have a leisurely chat with even more.

One word to sum up all these - loneliness...

To be continued...