Outward Bound - The Closing Chapter

The past four days have been brimmed with a kaleidoscope of emotions.

Now that it was over, I did not know whether to feel excited or emotional.

Time seemed to pass slowly as we packed our stuff into the stores, with each moment being a precious trickle of draining time we have left.

***

This course let me open my eyes to some of my peers around, to see them for who they really are, and not based on stereotypes.

Some people whom I thought were worth admiring, were not so much after I have experienced this with them, and made me realise that they are just self-centered.

Others have let me changed my opinions of them for the better.

Ananya seemed like a really good friend to me for these days, when I was alone and the only company I had was my shadow.

At the jetty when it was about to depart, Cheng Ho sat around in a circle to share apologies and thanks. I believe I could express myself well, only not in an impromptu, so I got pretty stunned and said something rather stupid and for the rest of the time until we boarded the boat, depressed.

"Thank you everyone and sorry everyone"

I mean, I was pretty under a lot of stress then, especially when the instructor kept on emphasising on how important it is the share reflections, and not being selfish to share thoughts et cetera.

But that was something I did not believe in. Some feelings of ours is best kept secret, and if not even oneself can be the shelter under which this seeks refuge, wouldn't the world be a such terrible place where everyone of us knows what the other is thinking?

People thinking about crimes would have been caught before they acted. This reminds me of a movie - Minority Report.

Prophets were able to detect imminent crimes that were about to happen, and thus the would-be perpetrators were arrested. Problem was that those caught haven't done anything yet. Not even being given the chance to turn back.

What a world it would be if everyone could see each others' minds.

That stupid statement I made was simply a passing statement I bought time with, however still, I could not make more words come out of my mouth. I was waiting for me to get reprimanded at just like I was while doing the DDD, but nothing happened. I felt worst, it is like people had given up on this quiet sensitive word-watching brat.

I bought a shirt and a bottle. They were quite nice. Once I boarded the bus, the world of Outward Bound with its painful memories were like being left behind. Painful as in the normal painful, in addition, the painful memories of losing happy memories. I was glad to be on my way back home.

Music-Part 1

I have listened to these songs as a kid, and have thus developed a liking for them. I find the music quite nice, and the lyrics are, I would not say meaningful, but at least well-written.

All Alone I Have Started My Journey
To The Darkness Of Darkness I Go
With A Reason,I Stopped For A Moment
In This World Full Of Pleasure So Frail
Town After Town On I Travel
Pass Through Faces I Know And Know Not
Like A Bird In Flight,Sometimes I Topple
Time And Time Again,Just Farewells
Donde Voy,Donde Voy
Day By Day,My Story Unfolds
Solo Estoy,Solo Estoy
All Alone As The Day I Was Born
Till Your Eyes Rest In Mine,I Shall Wander
No More Darkness I Know And Know Not
For Your Sweetness I Traded My Freedom
Not Knowing A Farewell Awaits
You Know,Heaers Can Be Repeatedly Broken
Making Room For The Harrows To Come
Along With My Sorrows I Buried
My Tears,My Smiles,Your Name
Donde Voy,Donde Voy
Songs Of Lovetales I Sing Of No More
Solo Estoy,Solo Estoy
Once Again with My Shadows I Roam
Donde Voy,Donde Voy
All Alone As The Day I Was Born
Solo Estoy,Solo Estoy
Still Alone with My Shadows I Roam

Now this is a very cryee song. It was the very first non-children song i learnt to sing.



An environmental song.



heard some music being played today
I heard a song but the words were wrong
It doesn't matter to me anyway
Some people really don't care what they say

I started looking at the sky today
'Cause it's so deep and so far away
I've got too many things inside my head
I wish that I could be up there instead

(chorus)
No one was meant to be
Living here in this concrete sea
Everyone including me
Wishes that we could be set free

Then I looked into the ocean blue
It's so deep and it's so quiet too
There's just too many people everwhere
I wish that I was down there

(chorus)
No one was meant to be
Living here in this concrete sea
Everyone including me
Wishes that we could be set free

I heard a story being told today
about a man and just how he got away
You got to leave the things you grow up for
So duck your head and swim for shore

(chorus)
No one was meant to be
Living here in this concrete sea
Everyone including me
Wishes that we could be set free



A song which start really airy and with an empty feeling, then builds up. Please ignore that guy's face



A shadow in the moonlight, here she comes to me,
We sit and talk about it all,
And out in the distance, a dream is over,
All I've been working for,

This is not how I want you to see me,
I have done the best I can,
Now the only thing I believe in,
Is a woman and a man;

You are the reason I'll stay in the fight
When I can't take it anymore,
You are the reason I wake in the night,
And say that I was only dreaming of it all;

And now in the dawn light, she talks with me again,
Remember all the things we've done
Been through the bad times, and we've
Seen through the sad times,
We're stronger than before;

And you picked me up when I was falling,
And you gave me back my pride,
And you listen when I am calling,
And hear the man inside;

You are the reason I'll stay in the fight,
When I can't take it anymore,
You are the reason I wake in the night,
And say that I was only dreaming of it all,
You are the reason I'll stay in the fight.

I got to know these songs from an album called Tears by qi yu a taiwanese singer. I feel lucky to still have the CD with me after so many years. More music next time.

Post-birthday post

Yesterday had been such a fufilling day for myself.

Yet today, I felt so empty.

I have known that I was never much of a shopping center and indoor related activities person.

Ben, Gen, Cmc, Jk, Chlit, Dillon and I were supposed to go cycling today. The moment I woke up, I felt the cool breeze and fresh smell of rain. Yup, it is raining no doubt. I really hoped that the rain would just stop. And later it did! I asked my mum whether I would be allowed to cycle on wet ground if I was careful. She agreed. Everything in the morning was just going so perfectly fine.

Then we met at Subway in East Coast Park. Despite the wet ground, the rain was quite negligible, and would probably stop anytime soon looking at the plain clouds above. However, some people suggested that we go to a shopping center called Marina Regular Quadrileteral. And off we went. Although I really did not feel like going, I just agreed.

Now, I realise that when I say "I don't mind", I really mean "I mind" and if I really do not mind, I would say "I want to" and not "I don't mind". Just did not want to be a spoiler and go against what some people would want.

So we went bowling, and for sometime something went wrong with the left gutter such that the bowling ball kept on bouncing out of the gutter when it hit a spot.

After one game, we stopped outside k box. If there is one thing that I learned about it, is that kbox charges per person for the single room, so it would be less people better. I was quite okay with going, until I heard of the exorbitant prices of 14.50 per person. Oh man, this is way too much I would be paying to sing a few songs, which I was wrong...

Because I only sang one song - Yellow submarine, and I did not know the other songs everyone else was singing, especially the rubbish modern chinese songs which I count myself lucky to not knowing.

In the Kbox, I was rather slouchy. There was nothing excited about it and I shivered upon hearing badly written songs which includes a lot of jay chou and perverted bands songs. In it, it was like a typical free period in school where I waste my time watching the people around using their computers. Time is just being wasted as songs passed.

I left at 4:15. I started to feel guilty as I walked out of the freezing dark room. I started to regret as I walked through the shopping center to the MRT station. I shouldn't have come for this Kbox rubbish. I should have said no when I had the chance.

The MRT cruised out of the tunnels. It was a beautiful weather without rain. I have wasted many things. My time, my 14 dollars which I have not paid yet, wearing my OBS T-shirt because it was the only dry fit shirt I had at home, bringing my red bag which I like to bring out for exercising, a nice weather, the effort into finding a day which my mother allowed me to cycle, and such a good day too. Just wasted. And so I got rather irritated and sad. I felt horrible.

Some way to spend the time and money watching people sing songs I hate so much.

What would have been a nice cycle, ended up as an empty trip to Marina Regular Quadrileteral. The rain had not been too bad in the first place anyway...

Emptiness filled me all the way through the MRT ride. Only way to cure it is to make up for it by spending another day with more fufillment.

***

External factors can make you THINK that you changed your stand, but only your conscience can truely make the change.

When you take a stand (in this case I don't like Kbox), it does not guarantee you will remember about it after external factors have coaxed you into doing something(going to Kbox), so constant reminder from yourself is necessary. You might think that you have changed your mind about it, but walk out of it regretting it, and you just know that your mind has never been changed. Only what you would have done has.

Birthday Post

Today is my birthday!

First I would like to acknowledge everyone who remembered my birthday or wished me a happy birthday. It means quite a lot, and tells me that I am not forgotten by you.

-Zhang He (one day before)
-Hurberg (12 in the morning on facebook. You should get some sleep.)
-Joelle (Half an hour later via sms)
-Facebook facebook facebook: woanchyi, jens, emily(don't know you much sorry)
-wenhui on msn
-Facebook again: Dillon, Charlene, Fatinn, Cherie, Joie Tan

However I suspect that the only people who actually remembered were Zhang He, Hurberg and Joelle. The rest were either through facebook notifications or I probably "let slip" that my birthday was today.

Its nice how some people just know its your birthday, like after 3 years of not meeting, or without needing facebook urging them to click on those little birthday links under events.

I have seen my friend's walls of Happy Birthdays on their birthday, probably hundreds of them. But its so convenient to post that, sometimes I just do it without actually caring less that its their birthday. Facebook have turned these words meaningless.

***

It wasn't a very extraordinary day, but it felt special, a feeling that something had to be done today.

I did not know what, but one thing is for sure, is that I was not going waste time lying on the bed, slouch past the morning and sit in front of the computer through the afternoon.

Time is precious. It's not just my birthday everyday.

I put on my shoes and went outside. Where should I run today? No way I am going to run laps around the track again, that is utterly boring. So I decided to go around Eastern Pasir Ris like I used to quite sometime ago.

As I approached my usual turn at drive 6, I decided to push myself more. Maybe turn only at Elias road.

No thats too much. Like additional 2km. So I just turned at the Pasir Ris Town Park.

Usual road along drive 3. Boring.

Then I got tired from the extra distance I ran of turning at the park instead of drive 6. So I cut myself short and used it as an excuse to turn back into Pasir Ris st 21 early via drive 2 instead of loyang avenue.

By the time the run was over, my shirt soaked up all my sweat. And it was a white cotton shirt, which turned very cold and sticky and stuck to my chest and turned flesh colour when it got too close to my skin. Couldn't wait to go back up to my apartment to change.

Then I sort of argued with my mum over what kind of milo packaging to buy and she got really impatient and called me wasting her time and I got really irritated for her not instructing clearly enough.

Later I decided it was just better to shut up and go get the shopping done. Then it would be like nothing happened. So I came back feeling much better after that.

I felt like going out afterwards. Being at home was boring. However I got rejected twice when I asked my friends, first because someone injured himself and could not play badminton or swim, and second because someone else was doing nothing much then but would be doing something much later, which means he is not free.

Spent some hours watching Hannah Montana seat coms at home and planned to go swimming alone at Tampines Sports Complex later that afternoon.

But the sky turned dark. Aw do I really have to go back watching seat coms again? However on my birthday the weather was being good enough to me to put on a bright side sometime after, and so I told my mum that I'ld be going after all because, the sky was not that dark after all.

I took the bus, hoping that my effort of packing my bag and opening the door and walking to the bus stop and waiting for the bus would not be wasted as the ominous clouds behind chased after the bus.

I alighted and as I walked to the Sports complex, it rained. Hooray. However, it was my birthday after all, and thus I had a good feeling about this. Waiting would be a wise choice, I told myself. So I went up the the cafe on the second floor of the sports hall and got myself an overpriced mango milk tea with a debris of chewy, disgustingly sticky pearls at the bottom.

The rain stopped. I went to swim. Although the rain was not coming, I felt scared swimming under the grey clouds with distant thunder, so I moved on to the children/baby pool. I moved to and fro for sometime, depending on which side was darker.

I was then wondering whether I should just pack up and leave, but that would seem like a wasted trip. So I waited.

And the competition pool was finally clear of dark clouds, so I went there to swim with peace.

I have never really tried swimming 50m sprints. I tried quite a few times and got like 40, 45 seconds? It was really tiring and making-you-breathless-y, but one thing I like about swimming over running is that you never sweat. :)

When I reached home, I could say I was very hungry. Strange that I don't feel the hunger until sometime after I get out of the pool. I could have eaten 2 dinners!

Later the evening, my family and I cut a birthday cake. My little brother was bawling because it was my birthday and not my 2nd youngest brothers birthday because theoratically, I, am supposed to be last as I am the oldest. My little brother's birthday was most recent, so 'technically' the second youngest birthday should be next. Woah...

Okay the end I am going to sleep good night!

The Awaking

This holidays, how did I manage to wake up at 7 am almost every weekday morning?

It is due to a method which surprises myself quite considerably.

This plan makes use of the nature of anxiety in humans.

I set the alarm on my handphone to 'Hat dance' to ring at 6:30 am in the morning at top volume, put it in the living room, or somewhere else far from my sleeping quarters.

Not wanting to wake up my whole family and be a potential target of complain, the moment I hear the electronic and ear piercing tune hammer onto my eardrums, I crawl (or roll depending on whether I am sleeping on the bed or floor) out of bed and head for the living room in a quick walk to shut it off.

Usually, this is not the case.

I would wake up, just as many people do, in early morning and start thinking about the time. What is the time now? How more minutes before the the alarm? And I would get a little worried because of the unknown countdown, and would eventually get up to get my handphone.

In both cases, by the time I get the handphone, I am a lot more awake than before. Either that, or the suspense of waiting it to ring would wake me up. I feel hesitant to fall asleep because I do not want to be shocked too badly when it rings. During this time, if I take a short nap again, it would be a lot easier to get out of bed because some of the getting up has already been completed. In a more sensible explanation, it is easier to get up from a short nap than from a long sleep.

Selection of ringtone is an important factor. A ringtone too mild like simple tones playing over and over again would never work. It does not create the suspense that would precede it the more it didn't ring, neither would it shock me when it plays or make me hesitant about falling into a deep sleep again should it ring and jerk me out of bed. Something too aggresive, like the thunderbolt melody I once used, shocks me far too much out of sleep when it blasts and increases my heart rate by quite a bit and suspense of waiting for it to ring is far too killing. Not a very healthy practice for long term implementation.

Another important factor is handphone distance. If I put my handphone just under the bed, I would grab for it frantically when it rings and off it within 2 seconds. And if I wake up before it rings, I would be ready to do the above anytime it rings. This does not help in making me wake up and preventing me from lazing about in bed.

In summary, anxiety preceding the noise wakes me up, not the noise itself. Noise can be blocked off the ears, but feelings are hard to. It's interesting how waking up can turn out to be such a complicated affair.

Outward Bound - Land Expedition

Carrying haversacks, water bottles and tents, we set off for the prelude of our land expedition. Carrying water bottles was the worst, especially if you are already feeling a little feverish.

At least tents were soft. Water bottles were just hard, solid plastic with no other way to carry than using your arms.

After walking for not more than 5 minutes while holding on to one end of the stick of water bottles, fatigue set into my arms. If I could not find a better description, my arms felt some internal vibration that tend to happen to many people when their muscles were overstressed. Shao Hao, however, from the look on his face did not seem to have much problems, although I am not sure of the truth myself. Not wanting to be a 'slacker' or anything, I persisted until someone else volunteered to take over my role.

Perseverance is undoubtfully good, but never be afraid to ask for help as long as you have done your best.

We exchanged our loads many times along the way, and due the the physical stress we were undergoing, we did not have much energy to channel left into thinking 'how much longer'.

And we reached the place in surprising timing. The sun was just about to set.

There was a sort of cheery atmostphere lingering in the air. We started setting up our tents in a short while. The sandy ground by the beach was rock hard, so we used rocks to weight down the flysheet instead of using tent pegs.

We finished setting up our tents and the sun had set. Working in this situation, with dry shoes and on plain, solid ground was an enjoyable task compared to the day we arrived at Punggol Jetty in kayaks.

We set down on a ground sheet and had dinner. Some nice people cooked mixed vegetables and instant noodles for Ananya and me. This meal, though rather plain, was comparatively the best meal we, at least I, had over the past few days due to the good mood and food (Hey that rhymes!).

The headache, mind-depressing thoughts and bad experiences vanished into the night...

The next day, I woke up feeling fresher than the air, although I did not bother setting up a pillow and was lying on hard ground.

***

Land expediton! This was getting quite exciting for me. After a briefing, we knew that we had 5 checkpoints for that expedition.

1) Highest point in Ubin Estate
2) Highest point in Pulau Ubin
3) Creature that is as old as you (rather vague, could refer to one of the many humans students in the vicinity)
4) Goddess of Mercy
5) Some boring plants

And the worst part was that we had to carry everything along. As usual, water contributed the most of the weight.

Our first stop was the highest point in Ubin Estate. I was carrying the water-filled jerry can which wore my arms out even after many short rest stops. The break we had to properly recover was when the girls had to go pee, which took at least 15 minutes.

While the guys did it in less than 3.

Out of the forest we went, and our path was scorched and blinded by the sun. Fortunately, WC asked to take over my load in exchange for a rubbish bag and water bottle. Although I felt a bit bad, that was quite a relief for my arms and that was all they called for.

Once again, we entered the forest, but this time, it was nearly always uphill. As Jun rui our navigator led us into a less travelled path, the incline became even steeper. Cobwebs obstructed and loose soil and logs paved the path.

My arms, feeling less tired now, started to feel quite slackish as my load was at least 3 times lighter than what some people were carrying. The long path led to a sunlit top. On top of the hill was an aviation beacon, where everyone let down the loads and had a good rest.

Roland asked us to form a human modal of an aeroplane for an extra lifeline question. What we formed look nothing like one, but we still got it. We spent quite some time formulating a question. Soon, people started vetting for loopholes in case Roland gave us a stupid answer. Ananya became quite enthusiastic about this, so with credits to him, our question - "Where is our next nearest checkpoint?" became "What are the co-ordinates of the next nearest unvisited or unconciously visited checkpoint on this map?"

***

Next stop, Bukit Puaka, the highest point on Pulau Ubin. We were also told on the way, that weirdly enough we might see the Goddess of Mercy if we were sharp enough. However that was not considered the next nearest checkpoint as it was a 'special' checkpoint.

We went down the hill. Somewhere along the sunlit path, we stopped to eat. My food bag was mostly filled with powdered food or biscuits, which are quite sickening by now.

Nothing much happened after we entered the comfort of the shaded undergrowth. At some point in time, I got a tent bag, which was comparatively good compared to jerry cans as you get to sling those over your shoulders. However, it can get quite stressful to the back after time, unless the haversack is not already torturing your posture.

Some people like Junrui, Karyee and me walked silently in front, while others like Shao Hao were in animated conversation. We trudged past the obs camp and reached a gravel and rock-covered open aired path. To me, this was the hardest kind of path to walk on.

Meifang and I hooked the tent bag through the camping stick and shared the weight of the load with me. Ease for the back, yet stress on shoulder muscles.

We stopped for lunch. Digestive biscuits were the main course. Among the girls, they started talking about Korean celebrities. I tried sinking a fingernail into my biscuit and it exploded. Then it was time to go again.

In that sun, Brandon's pro spf 130 sunblock became a neccessity. As some people have pointed out, my eye region was lighter, yet the rest of the face was sunburnt. It looked funny, and all the more I needed more sunblock.

We were really behind time. Still being at the middle of the island, there was no way we could make it to the east, visit all of the checkpoints, travel back again, and make it in time based on my reckoning.

We came to a proper concrete road. It was a lot easier to walk on compared to the previous ones. We passed some holidays chalets and a drink stall. We ran into a tiny shack which was supposed to be the miniature Goddess of Mercy.

As we walked furthur on, we came across a rock platform with a worshipping altar on it overseeing the water-filled granite quarry. Across it, as mentioned by Roland, was supposed to be a granite carving of the Goddess of Mercy, which I did not see.

Walking furthur on, we took another less travelled path and somewhere along the way I managed to get rid of that weighty tent bag and got my grip on water bottles and the company of a camping stick once again. Admittedly, the snaking path towards the highest point on Pulau Ubin was rocky, yet whether the rocks would give way upon stepping on them would be a good question to ponder about while falling into the abyss of the hills after a wrong step.

Seeing that WC was carrying the jerry can, which was a lot less water-filled than before, and at the same time wanting to repay my debt of having surrendered my jerry can before, I took over. In fact, the jerry can, having a larger base than that pathetic camping stick, gave me a tad lot more support by leaning on them when scaling steeper inclines.

The air was not very fresh. The trees seemed like they have been planted there to rot. Overall, there was a rotting feeling along the path. As we got higher, the feeling gradually subsided as rockiness overtook undergrowth.

After some walking, which took approximately 15 minutes, a surprisingly short time to me considering how far we have trekked to the top of Ubin Estate, we reached the top. I suppose it is because of the steepness of the incline. But that experience of climbing that hill inspired me to go to Bukit Timah Hill someday (yeah I still haven't visited that place)

Comparatively to the path we took, the atmosphere at the top was wonderful, and would be even better had the sun not been shining there at that time. The view was quite good. Below us was the slow rippling azure waters contained between the rocky walls of the granite quarry. The mainland seemed quite small from here though...nothing much to see.

We slacked up there for a really long time. There was not any more time for the rest of the checkpoints. I got the tent bag and we went down the hill. Downhill was just about as hard as uphill. Soon, our navigator lost the way and thus we cut across trees to create our own path out of the stale undergrowth onto the main road.

For a small person like me, carrying the tent bag over long periods can really drain abdominal, quadricep and back strength. With the sling weighing my back down together with the haversack, the tent repeatedly hitting my thighs and leaning on my stomach, stamina can deplete real fast. Without any doubt, I walked slow and no matter how in front of the group I get, I got overtook within 10 minutes and would end up behind.

The trip back was plain, so plain that it seemed like a routine. The distance seemed a lot shorter than when we went for me, because I was tired and was not thinking much. It was just me, my haversack and tent bag, travelling alone with desperate hopes to rejoin the group in front, but my stamina fails me.

Roland played some songs on the way. Songs like top of the world were really encouraging. Old songs were the best. Songs these days are really getting more horrible. The tunes are easily forgettable and all sound the same with the usual chord progressions overpowering the melody. Recently I have started to listen to Chyi Yu's music again like I did when I was really young, and the music is really beautiful and lyrics are well-written. But that's going off topic. The point is, taste of music is deteriorating nowadays.

Like I was saying, I caught up when the group rested, and started lagging to the back. Roland was like drifting between the group and me, making sure I was alright, which I was. However, I felt that my abdominals were really strained from the weight, and it was hard to walk and breathe at the same time.

I could move on, but my steps were getting slower. Soon, I could not have been less than 20 meters away from the last person in the group. I told myself that it did not matter, trying to encourage myself. What matters is that I walk on and do not give up, no matter how slow.

We entered the forest. What made me rather angry was when Jun Rui saw my walking really slowly at the bag and shouted at me to move it. I could not care less about him and continued walking at my own pace and shouted a really loud "sorry" to him. Actually I was not feeling sorry at all, one would be able to hear from my tone.

Eventually after a really hard and slight speeding up, I caught up with some of the people at the back. Once again we hit pebbly and rocky ground which is not easy to balance your footing on. I trudged slowly along and my foot collided with a rock, twisting it to one side, and causing my body to collapse in that direction to avoid twisting my ankle. My already weak legs were unable to give the support my body and load needs in time. Slight scratches, but I was okay. Ananya was nice, he saw the trouble I was having and took over my tent bag.

We walked back to camp 2. It wasn't too far now and it started drizzling.

We reached.

We dropped our load.

Oh man was I glad. My abdominals were still stressed from the previous stress.

The drizzle escalated into a heavy downpour within seconds. With the sun shining onto the open flooded parade square, the water evaporated very fast and the parade square turned into a land of misty wonders. A rare and interesting sight.

My food stores were empty. I felt really hungry. So I went to eat some of Ananya's food. I quickly went to take torturous bath to clean myself.

The water in the bathroom was freezing. It was hard to breathe in the shower with the rushing powerful waters spurting out of the shower hole. It was like air was sucked into that vortex of water. Not wanting to lose even more energy from the cold and possibly faint in the bathroom etc... I got out of the cubicle after a minute.

Feeling a lot more comfortable, I went around borrowing and trading more food, and ate till I felt comfortable once again.

To be continued...

Outward Bound - Heights in the Sun

Sea expedition was over. We showered and changed. We got out the helmets and harnesses and went up a really long flight of steps, to the top where an open area full of height elements activities were held.

The sun was scorching. The moment I went into the absence of shadows, my skin felt like burning. No way would I survive without sunscreen. Fortunately Brandon had an ample supply of spf 130 sunscreen to spare many people. My spf 30 sunscreen would never have made it. Thanks a lot Brandon!

There were several stations. There were these weird pillars, a rope ladder and a rock climbing wall. Personally I would have preferred the rock climbing wall, which I felt was more interesting and exciting, though not necessarily more challenging. However, we were assigned to the rope ladder, also known as the double dangling duo, or something like that.

It was a series of logs connected vertically, each spaced ranging from 1 - 1.5 meters apart.

Some people took rather fast to get to the top, while others took quite long, which could be pissing sometimes, especially when you are one of those managing the belay and ropes. After standing for quite a long time managing the rope and watching people climb up, I started to get a little dizzy from the sun. Despite me having drank water, I think I was dehydrated.

Time was passing quickly, yet many had not had the chance to try climbing it. I would have liked to try how hard it was to climb it, like some people have said. Unfortunately, there was not much time left.

Until our instructor Roland challenged us to a solo climb. Jonathan took the easier one, which he had managed with shocking ease. However, not sure whether I would be able to make it to the top, I volunteered to try the harder one, which turned out to be twice as hard as I thought it would be.

Roland said that I had the courage to give the climb a shot, yet I did not really agree with him. I did not feel much fear in failing, because I wanted to do it, at least till later...

When I tried putting my leg up to the log, the only remaining move was to hook the other leg up. That left me hugging the log upside down. Next step would be to put myself right side up, but twisting my body up proved useless, contradicting intuition.

I struggled to get up fast, but to no avail. It felt rather embarassing to be stuck there at that time, even though it was not easy to get up. Therefore, all the more I wanted to get up faster.

I was not getting anywhere. I released the second log and stepped back onto the first log, and tried something I have always did in school when I was bored. However, doing something for fun is a lot easier than using it in application.

I hung from the second log and swung my legs up, hooking my legs onto the log above. Then I realised that the log was too fat for my legs to get a grip on. If I tried pulling my body up, my legs would probably give way. But I still did it in a desperate attempt. My legs automatically unhooked, and straightened by reflex. I was now in an upside down hanging position, which was not in the best state of equilibrium. Then my legs started to fall back and my body twisted into the right side up position again, except having made one round around the globe. My body weight landed on my groin on the harness which felt a little pain for a split second.

The rope was tangled up. This was even more embarassing. When I got down, I got a little lecture about safety being more important and all and that backflip thing was not a very wise move and stuff like that.

I was given 10 minutes to climb it, yet I flunked it in a minute through haste.

I could not get over it for the whole day. But if there is one thing I have learnt, it would be to take your time if you want to succeed. (Of course if time is running short then you would have to choose between whether you want to get it good or get it done.)

So far, the heat was winning the battle. I was having headache even as we walked out of the sun. Was I starting to get a fever? If so, it felt wasted to have gone through the past 3 days and got sent home then.

To be continued...

Time to Start

Now that holidays have started, I think it is time to train up my physical strength and focus on growing taller.

The plan started today.

This morning, I wanted to run Pasir Ris Park, but it looked like it was going to rain. Instead, I went to Sea Shell Park.

Woke up at 7am to run 5 kilometers.

Later, I had a good lunch and met Ben at Tampines to play some badminton.

However we were really early, so we went to Tampines 1 for the first time in our lives and looked around in sports shops.

Then we walked to the gigantic Tampines Sports Complex and had a look around. There are 20 badminton courts, a track, two competition pools with several fun pools, a large gymnasium and many other facilities. Furthurmore, it was within walking distance from the bus interchange and mrt station. It was an excellent place for sports.

Then we went to play badminton at 2pm. A few minutes into our play, I got this.


Ben hit the shuttle to my overhead backhand. I moved aside to take it as a forehand and rushed a forehand cross court drop while the shuttle was behind me. So, in order to improve the chances of hitting, I turned my head around as my own arm was swinging down for the drop.

Thus my racket came straight down onto my forehead.

Weird, that it was swollen and blood could be seen, yet there was not any blood dripping out. It did not hurt too much after that, but there was still that swollen feeling hanging over there.

First sunburn, now this.

After a little rest, I was alright.

We practiced some net shots, and played a bit of cross court backhand netting, and improved quite a lot. Jump smash is still a problem for me though. Ben's smash angles were good because of his height, and sent me moving my ankles around to block both left and right, which became very tired after two hours.

Playing badminton was cool. Hope to play more in future during the holidays.

We thought about swimming at tampines sports complex too. It seemed quite a good idea.

Goals by end of holidays: 162cm tall, 15 pull-ups and get 2.4km under 11:30. I have been trying to bring down my 2.4 km timing for years, yet to no avail.

Oh and I should swim more too.

Hope it would work out

Outward Bound - To Punggol and Back

I was wearing my long-sleeved T-shirt and pants. The ground was soft for ground, yet harder than what I usually sleep on. The only thing I had with me was my torch and a towel, being used as a pillow by me.

In the night, I woke up at least 5 times, each time in wonder of the time. How late into the night was it? How long have I slept for? How much longer do I get to sleep?

Each time I woke up, I worried that I might not get enough sleep for the next day. In fact, somewhere in the corner of my mind felt that I have not slept, on the next day when I woke up.

We had bread for breakfast. After packing the essential items to bring along, we met at the kayaking shed for some sort of kayaking tutorial. Woan Chyi offered to pair up with me for the kayaking, and due to my poor kayaking skills, I was not sure whether she regretted that afterwhich.

We learnt basic kayaking techniques, and did a few capsizing drills and rescues. As I did not really know Woan Chyi, it felt awkward talking to her on the kayak at first. However, she pointed out my mistakes which was helpful, but at the same time made me feel pretty lousy because I was such a lousy kayaking partner, but the feeling soon passed. And talking to her no longer felt so weird.

The salty water, always dripping onto my hair, made it super uncomfortable when the salt crystallised and hardened my hair. Launching and getting off the kayak felt uneasy too, as rocks and sand tend to enter my horrible track shoes. I could not wait to run off to the water point and wash the sand off my shoes and feet each time. Furthurmore, I was not wearing any socks, which made my feet hurt at the same time.

After a short lunch, during which I realised that my personal food store was running out, we started our sea expedition with Bryan, Shao Hao, Jun Rui, Jiayi, Yan Sheng and Lester as our leaders. We had to kayak to our campsite for the night, which was none other than Punggol Jetty! That felt rather dumb, because we have just left that place one day before.

***

The waves were against us. Our checkpoints seemed so close, yet took such a long time to reach. In fact, when I pedalled fast, it looked like the kayak was moving fast, but it was merely the waves moving fast and pushing us backwards.

The sun was not a big problem that day. Being late afternoon and as evening peeked around the corner, the air turned cool and much more comfortable. However, my arms were getting very tired. It felt a bit like having done that assisted pull-up machine near my home for 4 hours straight. Nevertheless, we had to keep on moving, or the waves would push us back to where we started.

It was also about time to pee, but since the destination seemed so near, and it would be rather awkward to do it in the presence of so many people, I tried to hold back the urge. I told myself that I had to stop drinking water at resting points.

Punggol could be seen in the distance, but the rate at which we were heading towards it was crazily slow. Mentally tired, I just "programmed" my hands to keep on moving while I became sleepy in the physical world. Unconciously, the red buoy which indicated Punggol increased by a whole lot of size, and that meant good news. It could not be too far away now. On our left,

Kayaks rafted up to the speed boat, and one by one, they moved up for shore around the rocks. On our left, there was the busy port of malaysia, ships travelling along in the beautiful sunset. On the wait to quickly get to shore to relieve myself, time tip-toed pass.

***

Yet, we still had to move our kayaks up the rocky incline full of foot-sized gaps. The kayaks were heavy, and moving them up took quite a long time, during which I kept on wishing that there were kayaks. However they kept on appearing from the beach. By the time we were done with them, sky was black, and all I could see in the direction of the OBS reception centre were a bunch of tall grasses obstructing the already dim view. I wondered where the toilet was.

But work was not done yet. There were still stores and supplies to be moved off the speedboat. Several people "told me off" for being the only one who wants to "run off" while the others work hard. However, at this point of time, it was so urgent that any physical exertion would cause me to release.

Some people said that they had to pee just like me, but there was work to be done. I told them go pee then. It is not as if peeing was a form of entertainment and leisure for me, that should only be done after essential work was completed.

One of the instructors was not being too helpful either. When I even bothered to tell her that I would be going to the washroom, she just told me to go pee in the sea, in a go-die tone of voice.

This was getting irritating. Everyone seemed to be putting getting work done fast above the importance of healthy sanitation and waste disposal when there was actually a proper toilet in the vicinity. I mean how long could it take just to relieve myself? Fortunately, cmc wanted to use the toilet as well, and thus I found good company to help me in search of a toilet.

***

We were doubtful about the path. Although lights illuminated the reception center, we could not see what was in front of us. We walked around the tall grasses and treaded over unsure ground which was soft, so each step we took, we were weary. Finally, our feet hit the assurance of a solid dirt track, which eventually led to the proper entrance of the OBS reception centre.

Two staff were about to lock the entrance but they were nice enough to let us in when we told them that we had to use the toilet.

We were bound to get scolded when we went back, but that beats injuring our bladders. We did not get scolded however, but the instructor was not too pleased when they saw (Quoted) "Two guys over there walking happily here".

However, the sandy shoe problem was not yet solved. By then, my feet was hurting like crap from the grains of rocks and sands poking into my flesh. I did not feel like doing anything but just quickly get those shoes off me. However, tents had yet to be set up.

Setting up tents in the dark proved troublesome. An additional role, the torch manager, had to be introduced into the team. After hard work for some, and silent complaints from my feet, we went for dinner.

Ananya and I had instant noodles with corn from the same container. In order to maintain maximum hygiene in this not-so-hygienic area, we tried to not let our eating utensil touch the noodles. I tried twirling the noodles like spaghetti into the fork, and put it onto the spoon, but it turned out slow and messy.

***

The worst rule of the day was - no washing of anything in the toilets, only filling up. Their reasoning was that there were so many of us, yet only a few cubicles. However, why not allow us to take turns for those who desperately needed a shower was my question. This reminds me of the story of the man walking along the seashore throwing the starfish back into the ocean. It might not make a difference to all of us, but to that one starfish, it would make all the difference in the world.

My feet could no longer take it. They were screaming for help. I put down my utensils and headed for the water cans to relieve my feet. After my shoes and feet were rinsed through several trips to the toilet with the water cans. After that was done with, I drenched myself and clothes with water. I was thinking about why I have ever came for this course. At that time, the thing I hated the most in the world was where I was then.

The container of instant noodles were still lying on the sandy mats beside the drain. I was hungry, but no longer had appetite. I was wondering what I should do if I woke up hungry in the middle of night, but the pissed and angry side of me told myself that I won't die from one day without eating. So I left it there.

I would like to apologise to meifang and to whoever else cooked that food and yet I did not finish it, despite the fact that I really appreciate it. However, I could not eat in the mess and discomfort I was in then. So I am really sorry. :)

Another problem which added to the many problems I, or even we had, was that we were told to move our tents after we have finished pitching them. According the the instructors, it was the monsoon season and trees might fall in the night, so we had to go to somewhere without trees.

Thus we ended up in a field of tall plants and prickly plants. Putting on socks did not help much. Even as I stepped high up, the thorns entered through the sides of my socks, making me recoil in shock and pain. Pushing down the tent pegs was dangerous. The one possible way to reduce the risk was to step on the pegs to sink it into the ground.

As moving tents took quite sometime. The same instructor got rather impatient, and told a group of people to skip putting the flysheet on, because the sky is clear and it was not going to rain that night.

Then why did we even move the tents?

We gathered after the moving of tents and cleaning up was over. De-brief took rather long, because of the many untied knots the instructor kept on pointing out. Finally, time for sleep, and a chance for me to change out of wet clothes.

Ananya and I took turns to help guard the tent while we were changing in it. That night, I used the bag of wet clothes for a pillow. This day had made me truly appreciate something that many of us take for granted - the comfort of sleep.

***

The next day, we had to move supplies and the kayaks down the rocky incline once again. Before we even started on our way back to Pulau Ubin, I was already sweating profusely and arms covered in sand.

This time, we kayaked in the hot sun, but in much calmer waters. Soon, my face was covered in a mixture of sweat, sea water and sunscreen, and hot and cold do not go well together at all.

Our kayak kept on turning, because as Woan Chyi pointed out, I was not holding the paddle at the center. However hard I tried to re-adjust my grip, it kept on sliding to one side after time. Fortunately she was behind to patiently turn the kayak each time we went off course.

Just when I was wearing out in the heat, we reached the Pulau Ubin Jetty. That was shocking. I had thought that it would have taken at least another 2 hours. But no, we have reached three times faster than the previous day.

I did not feel like getting off the kayak at shore, because that means I have to get sand into my shoes once again. We would be allowed to shower soon, fortunately, but not before we have moved, cleaned and kept all of the kayaks into the shed, and move the stores up.

We formed a long human chain from the speedboat all the way along the jetty to transport our supplies to land. Knowing that it would be going to be over pretty soon, confidence soared, and this time I managed to work without a single thought of complain.

Sea expedition was finally over.

To be continued...

Outward Bound - The Beginning

5 days of freedom.

5 days of torture.

5 days of fun.

5 days of depression.

5 days of bonding.

5 days of OBS.

As Bach's Partita in E suddenly blared out of my handphone, I woke up with a sudden jerk in my bed. In a desperate attempt to switch that off, in order to avoid waking up anyone else, my hand lunged for the floor. Then in one fluid motion, my arm reached the handphone, wrist hit the ground, my body rolled off the bed and collapsed onto the floor.

Ouch for my hip bone.

Then I fell asleep on the floor.

After around 10 minutes, my mother woke me up as I was going to be late.

Carrying a backpack and Shell slingbag from the store room, I left home. The weather was cool. After taking bus 3 and changing to 82, I reached Punggol Jetty.

I called my friend, and 8:15 we were supposed to reach, yet at 8, their school bus have not left NUS High School. Why then are we asked to come so early?

The reception centre was quite some walk away from the bus stop. Several people like jk were there already. Mosquitoes infested the area. Wearing shorts, I got bitten in no time at all.

After some 1 hour, the rest of the school finally arrived gloriously and fashionably late in excursion buses. Administration and introduction took at least another half an hour or so.

At least when it was over, our watch, Cheng Ho, went to a corner for some self introductions. We were made up of Junrui, Shao Hao, Jonathan Wee, Ananya, Hui Shi, Meifang, Sharmaine Wong, Shermaine Nah, Wen Sin, Yenyan, Semi, Kar Yee, Woan Chyi, Brandon, and finally me.

After a group photo, it was onto the boat and our journey for OBS in Pulau Ubin began!

***

Of people one knows, there are several types:

1) The face-recognizer. I have seen that face before
2) The name-knower. I know his name!
3) The hi-passers. "Hi"
4) The light-conversationists. "How was your day?" or "Leveled up already?"
5) The Friends. People whom you consider friends.
6) The true friends. People whom you dare to share with, and understand you truely.

I did not know much of the people in my watch, so it was rather lonely in the beginnning. People like Jun Rui and Shao Hao were light-conversationists to me. Meifang, Hui Shi, Semi, Karyee, in fact most of the people were merely name-knowers. Woan Chyi and Sharmaine were the ones who I have never known in the slightest way. So you could see, I did not find any friends to keep me company in the watch. To spoil the story a little, most of them got upgraded to stage 4, light-conversationists, but never made it to stage 5 yet, after the 5 day OBS journey. I hope that there would be upgrading in process, even after now that OBS has ended.

In the boat, I sat in the long seat, among a bunch of girls whom I did not particularly know. The boat took a longer time to reach ubin than I would have thought. After all, it did not look too far away on the map. Since I was sitting on the long parallel seats, it was strenuous to turn my head and look out of the window, so I gave up and rested.

***

From the jetty at Pulau Ubin, I could see the great stretch of eastern coastline of mainland singapore. It felt wonderful to have a sight sweeping across kilometers, yet seeing the structures clearly. I could see the UMC building at Pasir Ris West, the distinct cyan quarter-circle roofs of flats in Elias, the blue rectangle of White Sands shopping mall sitting neatly in the midst of residential buildings, and the flats in Pasir Ris East, 2 kilometres away from Pasir Ris west.
Changi could also be easily seen. West of Pasir Ris would be the expressway, but being a forested area, all I could see were trees. The view of Punggol was unfortunately blocked by Pulau Serangoon. Still, it was an amazing sight. Looking at the entire north-eastern coast of Singapore felt like seeing the world in a single sight, at least for me because I live there.

Moving our bags up the hill was exhausting. We gathered under a shelter, put down our bags, and did some group discussions on our aims and roles in the group. Next we moved the ponchos, tents, groundsheets and other equipment out for tidying. Lastly, we went to collect the food rations.

A lot of carry-along food were either not eggless, or were not to my liking. I liked the sunshine bread filled with cream, and the muesli bars. However, they were finished by me quickly so I was left with powdered food and biscuits, which I got quite sick of after 5 days.

Sorted into 16 equal piles, these foods would be all the packeted foods we will have for 5 days. Of course, we had bread and rice and canned food too, but those were not good for carrying out on expeditions. By the time we were done with the boring yet essential work, Cheng Ho proceeded for the first activity - the trust fall, in the afternoon.

We had to fall backfirst onto a mat where our team mates were holding onto. I have to admit, that making the first reflex to trigger the fall, was rather difficult. Even as I fell, I did not straighten my whole body, due to the hesitation and nervousness. I think I fell on my butt sitting upright instead.

After we have all done it, we signed this Cheng Ho commitment book, which up till now, I am not quite sure what it is about. Belaying practice was up next. This was quite a dreary process. There was the climber, belayer, dead weight, assistant belayer, and rope manager. The worst role would be the rope manager, which had no point in assisting in ensuring the climber's safety, and without any fun in the job at the same time. The thing we had to climb was a pole with steps, not more than 4 metres high. It was not any fun, but we had to do it still.

***

Evening crept near, which meant that we had to set up our tents and start cooking for dinner. Despite the tent being one of those kinds which was already made and all one had to do was to stick the poles in, it was hard to keep it in support. Pushing the rods through the slips of the tent proved time-consuming and irritating, especially when the rod gets stuck somewhere while we were pushing it in.

We had rice for dinner. Ananya and I, being vegetarian, had some baby corn and mixed vegetables. I have never liked baby corn with its tastelessness and rough texture. Neither were we sure how to cook them properly. Although ananya and my vegetarian cooking did not taste too bad, I did not particularly like it. However, that was before what I knew was going to happen for dinner for the next few days...

We washed up our utensils and went for a nice shower. When I entered the toilet, I heard that two girls were showering in the male toilet, and saw them talking happily with some other guys about there being nothing wrong in showering in the male toilet. That made me a little scared at first, not being sure how many more girls were in the male toilet; but like the trust fall, trusting myself that there could not be too many shameless girls around here would continue entering this place, I started bathing.

After I changed into my long-sleeved T-shirt, I realised that it looked a lot like a girl's T-shirt. I was pissed with that fact for quite a while.

First day, although smooth-sailing and plain it might be, was just a day to relax before the coming few that would prove arduous physically, mentally and emotionally. This was just the beginning...

To be continued...

Final Five

The final five days of school.

MONDAY

Let's see...that day, we had 'leadership camp'. In summary, it was rather bad. For icebreakers, we played a tic tac toe thing to find out more about each other, the usual questions and snswers and ask each other for their answers game. That is really old. Then we were briefed on an activity which we were going to do later.

We were simulated in a village slum and have to upgrade it to full level by doing tasks. People working in the marketplace upgrades the level, making basic needs work easier; while basic needs people work to keep the marketplace going.

So as tung and I went to the water station, we found that we were supposed to transfer water over from a pail to a leaking cup, but apparently it was really easy, and to prevent it from overflowing, we walked around and waited for it to drip.

In fact, we did not see how the basic needs people not working would affect the marketplace. All we had to do is to wait for the marketplace to upgrade our level.

Then I got into the marketplace group after a swap and we went around doing puzzles. Tangrams were easy to me, while the 1-8 sliding puzzle was tung's speciality. He has the game on his handphone.

Thus when it was over, I could not see the leadership involved in this. And the instructor came up with a very odd and stupid yet sensible explanation, that marketplace people were leaders and that they had to do the basic needs jobs once in a while so that they can serve. And this is 'supposed' to teach us servant leadership.

I find it a waste of time, to spend such a long time on an activity to demonstrate something microscopic relative to the activity. The servant leadership involved seemed like a value that had to be squeezed in into a long ago planned activity, in order to make the activity have something to do with leadership.

In addtion, I could tell that the instructors were trying to make the activity similar to a strategy game, with upgrading, and resources et cetera, however they are failing very badly.

I would not have minded going for a plain lecture about leadership for hours, provided that it was good, but this is wastage of time on an activity that could have been covered in a lecture slide in a few seconds. Probably being able to argue that it would not only help us know, but understand the need for a leader to serve, I would say that it did not make a difference.

There are many such services out there which advertise such leadership programmes, but little are effective. I remember clearly, a one hour lecture about leadership during assembly held either early this year, or late last year, and it had grasped my attention throughout. Not only was the person a good speaker, but his points on the presentation make sense. I can positively say that I would have attended 10 days of such lectures, than to attend a single day of this leadershi* camp.

After the break, there was a presentation about leaders serving a purpose and serving people. However I disagree, because leaders serve people, but everyone serves a purpose. That does not mean that everyone is a leader. In addition, I could see that Mother Teresa was an extremely kind-hearted and caring saint, but to say that she is a leader, like jk, I would not be too sure...

The school should be more careful in hiring these organizations, either that or the school thinks that it is an excellent programme, which is a very probably possibility too.

Later I went to play badminton with jk. Wanted to go to hougang CC, but although when we asked they said that there were courts, the system crashed when we got there. According to the people there, the system always crash on rainy days.

So we went to hougang sports complex which was a rather nice place. Managed to find our way there thanks to my always ready Map of Singapore in my bag.

While playing badminton, my skin tore due to the lousy grip of jk's racket. It took a few days to heal.

TUESDAY

Went for religion tour around the city area on this day. First we went to a chinese temple, and I got quite a headache from all the incense burning.

After that, we went to Maxwell food centre for break which is extremely big. I had breakfast in a lunchbox and bought some kiwi and watermelon.

Then we went to a mosque, followed by St. Andrew Cathedral which I have went many times.

Lastly, we went to a hindu temple which was the worse. Feeling very tired, we entered the crowded place with socks. It was rather hot in there, and it became worse when we entered the courtyard, which had wet floors, which never goes well with socks.

When we finally got back onto the bus, the level head started asking about where we should go for post exam activities for next year. She asked if a concert would be okay, but I, having attended many concerts before, tend to be more picky about attending concerts. So when she asked me whether it would be okay, I replied that it would depend on what type of concert.

Then she asked me if music concert would be okay. And I said depends on what type of music concert.

Then she asked if a musical would be okay. And I said depends on what musical.

And she stopped asking and got rather impatient but I knew that had she continued asking I would have gone into musical style, era, composers et cetera.

Then the discussion went on to finding an educational activity for post-exam, and when people started recommending sporting activities, the idea was not greatly encouraged by her. Then she started talking about the lack of participation in sports day.

The people sitting at the front of the bus gave suggestions, but she was not too receptive of other's logic, as usual.

Personally, I think that in order for maximum participation on sports day, the recruitment of participants should be more active, instead of waiting for people to sign up, which is currently the case. Either that, or only the pros are approached.

On an extreme basis, everyone should be forced to participate in at least one event, so as to promote sports day. The problem is that now we watched the pros running, and thus the rest would eventually get bored and move on to other places. However, I am quite sure that the school would not be so ready to take on this approach...

WEDNESDAY

We had Hari Raya and Deepavali celebrations that day. After watching several performances, we went back to class to make some art and crafts.

When we were done with it, we were released to view the exhibits, which I got quite bored of them after a while. Unfortunately, we could not exit school yet.

THURSDAY

Thursday was the school's so-called CCA Day. It was rather meaningless. First we went to the orchestra room and talked a little about future plans for orchestra. Then we came up with the nominations for next year's orchestra commitee. And I do not know who shouted my name, and in the end I got nominated for several positions. Don't know whether I can manage it. I felt quite nervous, although the time was still long, and it was not even voting time yet.

Then, while the convocation players rehearsed, the rest went to the canteen to discuss CIP. The big idea was to go to KK hospital to entertain patients, but 9am - 12:30pm was a rather long time to discuss CIP, and after the 'break', people started leaving and doing their own stuff, although some people were already playing games before the 'break'.

Went to meet jk after that, and went to the fitness corner to pass the time while waiting for ben to arrive. Once again, I tried moving across the monkey bars double handed, like a jumping motion. For the first time, I succeeded and did not only one, but 3 - 5, and so I got carried away and overestimated my grip strength and fell as my legs swung forward while my grip gave way.

From a height of around a metre, I fell butt first onto the ground. I felt my innards jerk upwards. I felt weird, like having suffered a severe shock. I stood up shaking a little, and took quite a while to recover and walk properly. Taking a rest, jk and I walked to the canteen to continue waiting. I realised that my base of the spine was injured, and it hurt when I sat at an angle of around 45 degrees...

I felt really lucky to have recovered now, without having to undergo any treatment.

Back to the story. Jk and I went up to the tennis court after waiting for a while to search for ben, where he was taking his time.

Feeling rather impatient by the time he was done, the three of us left school and went to jk's house (as usual). We found dillon and edwin along the way, so five of us took the bus together.

I had to sit up straight on the bus seat to avoid feeling the pain, which would be felt if I was slouching, which is probably a good thing for my posture.

We wanted to go to hougang sports complex to play, but found that the hall was in use for some function, so we went to play billiards at Regentville condominium instead. It was rather fun, but it took a lot of time waiting for one's turn. Compared to badminton, its fun to time taken ratio is much lower.

FRIDAY

Although my back was a lot better on this day, my wrists start to develop a loose and aching feeling, similar to my back pain, without the loose because there were no joints on my butt. Ben proposed a theory that it was because of the game of reversi we had played the previous night, that his back started to hurt instead of mine and his tennis elbow transferred its pain to my wrists.

We had a one hour assembly that morning, and my back felt terrible after that from the sitting. Then we went back to classroom for cleaning, and some of us started throwing and kicking basketballs around, which escalated into throwing, so the hardworking girls had to confiscate them from us.

We finished the work quite fast, because unlike the other table-cleaning classes, we simply pushed our tables aside and stacked them. That hid the unpleasant sight of the dirty surfaces away well.

Next, we sat around in a circle playing a werewolf game, similar to 'polar bear', which got to my nerves because of all the boring 'sleeping' in the game.

Then we got back our progress reports. My results this semester was not too bad. 4.6 CAP. I would be glad to aim for 5.0 next year.

After that, the class went to play netball. Mario was rather violent, tackling me from the back, which undoubtedly hurt my spine from the previous injury.

While I attempted a spinning pass, wenli blocked me and my release caused my thumb to whack her hand, which caused pain for sometime. Great, another injury is just what I needed...

The last day of school was over! The original plan was for jk, ryan and I to go to his house to either play billiard or badminton, because hougang sports complex was CLOSED FOR A WHOLE YEAR!!!

However, the plan was soon heard of, and jorgin, tecklim, cmc and ben went along too. It was quite okay at first, but got rather irritating after that, because of the conflicts a big group always brings along.

The rest went to have lunch at some other place, while I went to subway alone. Finishing my footlong in less than 10 minutes, I walked around, and when I called the rest, they were still eating.

After sometime, jk parnk smsed me to say that they ditched me and had left for his house already. Recalling what jk had said the days before, "Maybe sometime I should just leave you alone so that you will learn how to go to my house on your own."

So I assumed it to be true and walked towards the MRT station until they told me that it was a prank, so being engrossed in looking at shops, I simply told them that I was already on the way home.

They told me to come back, so I walked back, taking my time, knowing the time that would take a big group to get around places.

What would have taken 15 minutes by going to jk's place to have lunch, took 1 hour plus thanks to a large group at amk hub.

Feeling rather pissed for the rest of the day. Had a feeling that the additional people had ruined our plans. Went to jk's house and found that the billiards room was already booked. So we played connect four, octiles, with many people engrossed in the computer games such that they refused to come and take their turn in the board games.

Later we watched several Rowan Atkinson videos and a duck song which was rather humurous, and livened up my mood a little.















My joints still hurt, so when I went home I took some calcium tablets, and just like magic, I was healed the next day!

:)

Mona Lisa On MS Paint

I am amazed

Gathering

Last Sunday was 302 class gathering at Guilin view condo.

We went there to play badminton at the tennis courts.

We went to play pool in the billiard room.

We played cards by the swimming pool.

And then people started setting up the bbq.

Certain people says that as a vegetarian, I am not able to understand the meaning of all this crap, but I think I am perfectly clear about it.

Oh and I guess that some people will also point out to me that bbqs are time for class bonding and we can talk and eat and while making the fire it helps brings us closer together.

Really?

The most prominent problem over here, is the smoke. I hate the smoke. Others hate the smoke. The environment hates the smoke. The amount of smoke produced just to cook some stuff is appalling. The smell is horrible. The air turns carcinogenic. What is the gain?

Secondly, it would be the expense. Expense of money, expense of time. The money used to buy the charcoal, the time just to set up the fire. And what about the food, it doesn't really turn out that good in the end, does it? All those carcinogens entering one's body, what is the worth? What's more, whether self-cooked or bought, there is so much more healthier and better tasting food out there.

What does it mean for a barbeque to be a class gathering. Do barbeques help people to get to know each other better? I think what they mean is the talking and interaction. When do we not see talking and interaction in our daily lives? What makes this kind of lighting fires and burning stuff different?

In all, what is the simple point of barbeques, other than the food of course?

As I was sitting in a corner minding my own business, and some people came to join me, we were blamed of slacking, but doesn't too many cooks spoil the broth? And not everyone has learnt just yet to appreciate fresh smoke and pollution.

Later that evening, it started raining, and although it was only a short downpour at first, it turned out to be ceaseless. People scrambled to get umbrellas, and cover up the food and grill. Call me selfish or whatever, but I couldn't help telekinetically urging the fire to burn out.

And thus feeling quite bored, I slid around on the wet floor and swung my badminton racket with cover in the air, blowing down patches of water from the top of umbrellas and blowing plants.

Lastly, a few people might think that my dislike for barbeques has got something to do with my vegetarianism. It has, but even if it doesn't, I still hate it.

As wh walked me out of the condo, she asked me about me being vegetarian. Then soon my answer became "Its better", and I realised that I was not really ready to say too much regarding this. But its true, its better.

When I got home, I could still smell the smoke on my clothes.

Barbeque - one of the worst ideas for a gathering. I tell myself not to attend anymore such events.

Why is such a thing even invented in our modern-day society.

The Final Day

Saturday, the day when APEC spouses arrive at the children's garden.

Saturday, the day when we talk to them as they pass by our exhibits.

Saturday, the final day, of this programme of 'science communication', whatever that is.

Dorothy, joelle, trang and I waited at the sugarcane plot. We sat down on the chair, and soon Joelle and I started talking about exam marks.

VIPs passed by and we just recited what we were supposed to say. A vietnamese VIP came along and trang started blabbering to her in their native tongue.

Later some MGS girls that usually talk to us came up and talked. And while they talked among themselves and shouted to some of their friends behind, I had a feeling they were talking about me...(I don't think I shall go into the details)

Not that exciting and once-in-a-lifetime-experiencish, like some people would think.

Like the botanic gardens staff said, the spouses are just humans just like us!

So whats so exciting about that?

I do not believe in such a term - "Important people".

Exam Results

We have good things in life, and we always have bad things too. This would be an extremely factual post.

English: No effort seen in keeping to letter format. 17.5/30. Comprehension: 37/50

Math (functions and graphs): 54/60

Trigonometry: 33/57. I hate this. I have even forgotten the most basic of trigonometric concepts - the UNIT CIRCLE method to solve a certain question. Thanks to JCBG which I am no longer going to elaborate furthur.

Chinese: Letter: 14.5/20, Essay: 49/70 Paper 2: 75.5/110 Total:139/200 This, I am really happy about. A tremendous improvement from the last semester.

Biology: 38.5/50 Not too bad, neither too good. Nothing else to say about this.

Physics: 84/100 Wow marks based on my friends, but to me it isn't really that good. Not saying that it is bad either.

Chemistry: 72/80. I am shocked at my own ability. It is amazing what just 2 hours of studying can do. Imagine a full utilization of studying time.

Sports Nutrition: 24/35. Don't care, don't ask.

There. I would be happy with my exam results overall, but if trigonometry hadn't been so bad...

Dream in a Dream in a Dream (DIADIAD for short) - Senseless logic

I just woke up from a 12 hour sleep.

Need to get ready to leave for NRIC making in school now. To be continued, and hopefully I can remember what I was going to write.

Okay I am back, NRIC making was a rather long wait.

So as I was saying, I woke up at 6 am and fell back to sleep again and starting having this dream. Many things in dreams have long known to be contradictory to the laws of physics in the real world. But that holds true also, for logical reasonings. In some dreams, logic tie events together into an exciting storyline, but this logic does not seem logical in the real world. However, one can only understand the logic when he is inside that dream.

Sensibility is relative:

This dream, as I recall, was a mystery story built up with logic without sense which makes sense to me while I was still asleep. So it is hard to explain why certain things happen and if you are a non-believer in senseless logic, please skip this post. Whatever I am going to post now will not make sense.

Do not ask me why either, because as I said, I will only know when I am asleep. And to be posting this I will be awake, and since 6 hours have passed after the dream, my senseless logic to sensible logic translation skills would have probably diminished to nothing already. The process is fast. It is something like how many people always forget what they have dreamt of the previous night. In this case, I remember to events, but not the logic.

I was going home. I entered the lift. I saw a cow pat in the lift. Something was wrong. I entered the lift, avoiding stepping on the brown sticky pancake. Two builders entered with me. He took this glue-gun-like gun and sprayed it on the other builders hand, then he forced my mouth open and sprayed it on my tongue. I felt a drying sensation in my mouth, like all saliva which comes out of my glands evaporates upon touching the tongue.

Blank Blank Blank

I went to this place where I always had my stupid chinese tuition. Here, there is no distinct line of primary school and secondary school. Everyone was here, and I did not think it weird(as I said this is senseless logic) I asked my primary school friend what that drying glue gun thing was. He said it was a clotting liquid, whatever that was. Then, I realised that the spraying thing onto my tongue thing was a dream. I was conscious, but somehow, I knew that my car was stolen, and I instinctively linked the two events together, that in my dream and my car being stolen(not in the dream) (senseless logic in action once again).

So another friend of mine and I went to my house carpark and searched for my car. We had the key, and decided that they way to find it would be to lock and unlock it with the remote control key and try to pick up the sounds of the car door locking and unlocking. We scanned the carpark to the top floor, where we still could not find the car. Then, five moons glided past us. One was our normal moon, two were replicas, one was a red moon and the other was green. I told him that, and hurried him to take a picture.

However, he said that it was only the DHL balloons flying around, but I pointed out to him that there were no strings attached to it. So we took a picture, as it was not a impossible, but rather uncommen sight in my sleeping world. Sort of like seeing a solar eclipse in the real world. But don't ask me how I know, like I said, the feeling is there, but the logic isn't.

We went to report to the teachers about the stolen car. My primary school math HOD, english HOD, secondary school principal and vice-principal were all there. As I described to them how I had the glue gun dream, and explaining to them how I knew the two events were linked although one of them was in a dream, and the other was not.

Not only logic becomes senseless when I wake up. Even in my dream, senseless logic of my dream in the dream was already taking place.

Then as I was in the midst of struggling to explain why I knew they were linked, and apparently everyone was confused, my mother woke me up, sparing me the effort to continue furthur explanations.

Even minutes after, it felt rather gloomy as I have not realised that I did not have a car and that my parent's car was not stolen. This is the after effect of a deep sleep, commonly resulting from a dream in a dream in a dream.

JBCG strikes again!

First they sucked the energy out of us before the trigonometry exam, and now they summon us back again just before O levels.

I felt that I have quite wasted my time to have even considered joining this...science comm watever-crap-programme. Today, I travelled to botanic gardens at 8 am in the morning just to do a rehearsal that involved me saying a few lines.

In my opinion, I have not benefited much, other than familiarising myself with one certain garden, from this programme. Many weekends, I (or we) had to go over to give FREE guided tours purely by student VOLUNTEERS. Yea right, we volunteered to sign up for the course and got forced to become volunteers ultimately.

In addition, the second part of the programme included many of us having to be helpers when the APEC people overseas visit the garden. A few rehearsals have been held, but at the expense of our school lessons, one trigonometry exam, and the day just before the chinese 'O' level paper. Is this really for a 'whole new experience' and a chance to build up healthy relationships with other organizations like they always say, or just a chance to make use of us students to advertise for our school and country?

They call all these preparations to be a guide at this garden a research module, knowing it would be an incentive to students who want to have it on their report card. Besides, once a student gets in to the programme, it would not be very nice to quit halfway, would it?

Is this really a research module, or what?

Exam's over

English was not much of a surprise.

Chinese was difficult.

Biology was over long ago.

Chemistry paper was fun to do.

So was Physics. For the first time, a free body diagram helped me solve a question about a fireman. I forgot that smooth walls cannot exert any vertical force on ladders.

Functions and Graphs was smooth sailing. Although I had quite a bit of problem doing the linear law questions (because I did not attend the lessons on it and did not bother making up), I managed to self learn the day before so I managed to sail through by instincts. Ben made a stupid mistake of thinking e was 1.618. What a waste.

Now, for trigonometry...

I did not take the paper like everyone else in the hall, because the botanic garden students went for another rehearsal there. It was raining, and yet the sun was shining brightly, a most uncomfortable weather. We pulled through and went back to school, where everyone else have finished their exams and we (junruiterencezhishenghuiminamandanicktrangjoellezhanfeng) have not!

So we were isolated into a meeting room where we rested and studied, while the teachers bought snacks and drinks for us into the room.

It was still raining outside, the air-conditioning was blowing, the room was cold. I was shivering throughout. In addition, I felt a little left out.

Then we took the trigo paper. Maybe it was the stress of the morning and the cold; all the questions seemed harder than ever. I left several 6-8 mark questions in a mess of uncomprehendable methods which jumped from one to the other, leaving it in jumble for the marker to sort out my thoughts.

Just at the last question, when I had already given up, telling myself that it was only an exam which constituted 40% of final grade only for a module that constituted only 2 MCs over my entire semester report which constitutes a fraction of my entire transcript. So no worries. So I worked on a seemingly toughest last question with ease of mind, not giving two thoughts about figuring out how to prove the maximum area of a rectangle inscribed in a sector.

When I get nervous, I always write big and cancel things with a lot of noise. I realised that today.

Then I went back to several questions about finding the exact value of some stuff, and I stared into the solution. Having 10 minutes left, I tried to finish those which I knew how to do already, but my writing could not catch up with my thinking, so I did not finish the questions. I guess it was an unfair disadvantage to have our bodies and minds stressed by botanic gardens and temperature before the exam. I bet I could have done better (at least twice :( ).

I lost at least 13 marks out of 57 for questions which I did not even write a single thing about.
---
Anyway, taking things easy is not as easy as people always tell themselves. So although I did not complain much, like I always do about careless mistakes after exams, I felt rather unhappy.

The group of us started chatting outside the meeting room with mr yee and ms ng about class relations.

Suddenly mr yee pointed to me and said that I look innocent but actually is not or something like that, something which he has been talking about for sometime. Up to now I still did not get it, so, left out + bad exam + suspicion = very sad

And after about an hour, the chat steadily subsided, and the 305 people talked about 305 class outing. Which reminds me, 302 is not a very cheery class who interact and have fun with one another.

Later on the bus, Joelle was saying how unbonded her, in my opinion very bonded, class was, which made me think, how pathetic is this. Beginning of the year ms tay said that our class was not very bonded, and I did not really bother much about. Now I know what she means.

Which left me pretty lost now that exams are over. Many others were going out with their classes. What should I do?

And the thoughts drifted from social problems to self on the first half of the MRT ride, and I thought about how left out I nearly always have been, since primary school, when I only had one friend. To now. And how it is so true that the company you mix in affects you so greatly. I remember being innocently nice in primary school such that no one liked me. Now, I find it hard to even remember to be nice when I try to remind myself the night before. 'Nice' is such a cool word, a boring cliche, yet being able to express so many things.

Which I know isn't really true, but because I was feeling sad at that time.

And after the emo side of me have passed, I decided to stop complaining about the sad life of me. But to tell the truth, I am not feeling exactly happy right now either.

At white sands, I stopped for dunch (dinner and lunch) and got a footlong veggie delite at subway.

So I guess the holidays are coming. Now I feel like attending normal school days again.

Better set some goals for myself.

A Chapter of My Interesting School Life: Tuesday - Last Academic Day of School

Hmm how should I start?

Met Joelle on the bus and wished her an early happy birthday, after which she started talking about physics olympiad assignment. I suddenly remembered that I have not started at all. I felt bad about not doing it, but I feel equally bad using up my reading days not studying and doing a physics enrichment worksheet. :(

Then I went to the usual pillar when I reached school. Sourav came later, and he told me that he did not bring wrapping paper because he thought that I said we should use newspaper to wrap it, but what I actually said was we COULD use newspaper to wrap it, until sourav said that he had wrapping paper. Oh well.

During English we played Taboo. Then things start to get interesting when everything started linking themselve up to eugene.

Hinters: "You laugh at something ____?"

WL: "?"

Hinters: "Eugene is a ?

WL: "Retarded?"

Hinters: "Nononono!"

WL: "Joker?"

The word was 'funny'.

Then...

Hinters: "OH! Eugene and ****** is a? "

Me: "Couple!"

Yay! I guessed the word.

Then the word microwave came out, and people started making high pitch nasal noises, but apparently the guesser did not understand.

Then a 301 guy came in to join us.

Hinter: "When someone does not win he is?"

Another hinter: "Eugene is a ?

Guesser: "LOSER!"

Yay once again. That was not very nice but thats what the whole class think of that guy. And he seem to not mind very much either.

Then it was Chinese lesson. I got back my essay with 51.5/70. I was so happy because that was the highest I have ever got in HCL. I used a lot of 'good sentences' according to teacher's comments, so I guess I should go read up more about them.

Chemistry. We went through Chemistry quiz and then went through our CA marks to check. Ms teh saw that I did not bring my file so she asked how I was going to check my marks. I just replied that if the marks are high enough it means that there shouldn't be any problems with them.

Then it was half hour lunch time. Sourav came to my class to wrap the present with newspaper, and he did not want to write a note either, so he took my card (now our card) and wrote a note on it to joelle. Then I used green pen to double arrow in his name in front of the card in addition to my name.

Then we found some ribbon at the front of the class and could not acquire any scissors since it would be rude to go through everyone's pencil case in class, we went out to the lockers and rubbed the ribbon, tugged it and broke it. Then we used it to wrap it around the newspaper and sourav's knots were not very tight so the ribbon kept on falling apart. Finally we got it and tied it through the hole on the card, and the ribbon fell apart again. So we could not be bothered with it anymore. And then lunch was almost over and my classmates came back to class and talked rubbish when he saw that sourav and I (more emphasis on I) got a present for joelle.

Then sourav and I went over to 305, but joelle was not in class, so I told sourav to give it to her when she was back, but he did not want to, so I went in and left it in her bag, but a whole group of guys told me that I had to give it to her myself or something like that, and I told them that I had lessons then. So they said that they had lessons too and held me back by forming a circle around me and not letting me run away until I gave the present personally, but I managed to break the circle and run away. Unfortunately my math teacher was not there yet, so sourav walked past my class and I tossed the gift over to him and it hit his head. So he picked it up, passed it to dillon who passed it to me once again. Once again I was stuck with it.

Not like it would be any better, since my class ended one hour earlier than 305, and there was two days of schoollessness after that day, so I just put it in her bag once again, and I was safe, because my math teacher was in class. No lunch for me :(

And then some people spouted nonsense that I do not want to know but unfortunately I do, when Joelle went back to class.

But my one and only excuse for not giving her the present personally remains firmly as:

1) I had lessons.
2) Sourav was being extremely unco-operative.

Fine make that two.

The end

Getting a Present

I met sourav just as I was alighting off the MRT yesterday. I was planning to go to get a present so I told him I was going to look around at some stationary.

So we went to popular bookstore and looked around at bendy rulers and markers. Then really not being able to make up my mind, I told sourav I was getting a present for joelle's birthday, and asked him what I should get.

He suggested photoframes, but nearly all of them were grey and metallic so that did not look very birthday-ey. Then he suggested we share cost for the present.

Sourav suggested we go to the pink section, which was totally appalling. We went there and left immediately.

Then we saw rectangular metal tablets which had words of kindness and friendship engraved on it. We considered them for a while, and picked out the not too cheesy ones from the overly cheesy ones which would seriously give people wrong ideas. However, after much consideration, we realised that most importantly, none of them said happy birthday, so buying those would not be too meaningful, or even seem wrong.

Once again we went back to the stationary section. It seems that stationary was the most suitable thing to buy in Popular@whitesands. I looked at the price of a set of coloured markers. Seemed too expensive for its worth. So we dropped it.

Next we looked at bendy rulers. Does not seem that useful. We were mentally trapped on what to buy. Then sourav digressed and told me about how his sister makes a list of everything in the store and crosses them off one by one when she goes shopping.

Then we saw some expensive branded pens in a glass cabinet, which gave him an idea. Sourav said that there was a shop with cheap(not cheap, just not expensive) branded pens which gives free engraving too, so we solved our present problem.

There is this shop along the walkway from the interchange to the mrt station, called "love and cherish" so we went into there and got a $22 red parker pen and engraved Joelle's name onto it.

We had finally bought a gift. I was left with no more money to solve my hunger problem though, but I am sure there would be food at home.

I reached home at around 7:30, did a little writing before doing up a birthday card. Just like last year, I drew an animal, because I was not too good at design. I could only rely on drawing. Last year, I drew an elephant, so this time I tried for a giraffe, but was unsuccessful due to incompetent skills. So I drew a whale and finished in 10 minutes.

The tough part was the message. What should I write? Thinking of something true, yet not too cliche and something meaningful was hard. Hearing the noise in my house of my brothers and mother made it even harder to think(and it was 10pm already, typical in my house). As I sat on the swivelling chair, I shut the lid of the laptop and rested with eyes struggling to keep open amongst the noise. Finally, my father told me to go to sleep so I went, hoping to think of something when my brain refreshes. Before I knew it, I fell asleep in probably less than 3 minutes.