Exam's over

English was not much of a surprise.

Chinese was difficult.

Biology was over long ago.

Chemistry paper was fun to do.

So was Physics. For the first time, a free body diagram helped me solve a question about a fireman. I forgot that smooth walls cannot exert any vertical force on ladders.

Functions and Graphs was smooth sailing. Although I had quite a bit of problem doing the linear law questions (because I did not attend the lessons on it and did not bother making up), I managed to self learn the day before so I managed to sail through by instincts. Ben made a stupid mistake of thinking e was 1.618. What a waste.

Now, for trigonometry...

I did not take the paper like everyone else in the hall, because the botanic garden students went for another rehearsal there. It was raining, and yet the sun was shining brightly, a most uncomfortable weather. We pulled through and went back to school, where everyone else have finished their exams and we (junruiterencezhishenghuiminamandanicktrangjoellezhanfeng) have not!

So we were isolated into a meeting room where we rested and studied, while the teachers bought snacks and drinks for us into the room.

It was still raining outside, the air-conditioning was blowing, the room was cold. I was shivering throughout. In addition, I felt a little left out.

Then we took the trigo paper. Maybe it was the stress of the morning and the cold; all the questions seemed harder than ever. I left several 6-8 mark questions in a mess of uncomprehendable methods which jumped from one to the other, leaving it in jumble for the marker to sort out my thoughts.

Just at the last question, when I had already given up, telling myself that it was only an exam which constituted 40% of final grade only for a module that constituted only 2 MCs over my entire semester report which constitutes a fraction of my entire transcript. So no worries. So I worked on a seemingly toughest last question with ease of mind, not giving two thoughts about figuring out how to prove the maximum area of a rectangle inscribed in a sector.

When I get nervous, I always write big and cancel things with a lot of noise. I realised that today.

Then I went back to several questions about finding the exact value of some stuff, and I stared into the solution. Having 10 minutes left, I tried to finish those which I knew how to do already, but my writing could not catch up with my thinking, so I did not finish the questions. I guess it was an unfair disadvantage to have our bodies and minds stressed by botanic gardens and temperature before the exam. I bet I could have done better (at least twice :( ).

I lost at least 13 marks out of 57 for questions which I did not even write a single thing about.
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Anyway, taking things easy is not as easy as people always tell themselves. So although I did not complain much, like I always do about careless mistakes after exams, I felt rather unhappy.

The group of us started chatting outside the meeting room with mr yee and ms ng about class relations.

Suddenly mr yee pointed to me and said that I look innocent but actually is not or something like that, something which he has been talking about for sometime. Up to now I still did not get it, so, left out + bad exam + suspicion = very sad

And after about an hour, the chat steadily subsided, and the 305 people talked about 305 class outing. Which reminds me, 302 is not a very cheery class who interact and have fun with one another.

Later on the bus, Joelle was saying how unbonded her, in my opinion very bonded, class was, which made me think, how pathetic is this. Beginning of the year ms tay said that our class was not very bonded, and I did not really bother much about. Now I know what she means.

Which left me pretty lost now that exams are over. Many others were going out with their classes. What should I do?

And the thoughts drifted from social problems to self on the first half of the MRT ride, and I thought about how left out I nearly always have been, since primary school, when I only had one friend. To now. And how it is so true that the company you mix in affects you so greatly. I remember being innocently nice in primary school such that no one liked me. Now, I find it hard to even remember to be nice when I try to remind myself the night before. 'Nice' is such a cool word, a boring cliche, yet being able to express so many things.

Which I know isn't really true, but because I was feeling sad at that time.

And after the emo side of me have passed, I decided to stop complaining about the sad life of me. But to tell the truth, I am not feeling exactly happy right now either.

At white sands, I stopped for dunch (dinner and lunch) and got a footlong veggie delite at subway.

So I guess the holidays are coming. Now I feel like attending normal school days again.

Better set some goals for myself.